Welcome, My Fellow Silo Babies

Welcome, my fellow silo babies.

This blog is meant to be a safe place for healing. I write about my experiences through the lens of someone with an anxious attachment style, the kind that, if you're here, I'm sure you know all too well.

I know there are tons of resources, books, and videos on attachment theory and the anxious-avoidant dynamic. But the piece I really struggled with, the one that isn't talked about enough, the one I had to coin my own word for, is the "siloed" part: where your anxious attachment gets driven by the feeling of being compartmentalized, kept behind emotional walls, allowed near your partner but never fully into their world.

You might be a silo baby if any of these feel familiar:

You scroll their social media and it's full of their friends, their family, their whole world, and you're nowhere in it. You start to quietly wonder if they're not proud of you. If you're a secret.

You're always the one who travels to them. You rearrange your life around theirs, and somewhere along the way your own world gets smaller, and theirs stays exactly the same.

You can feel there's a whole life happening just next to you. Plans, people, a family you're near but never really folded into. You're not a partner so much as a guest who visits and then goes home.

You're always the one reaching. The one asking "where is this going," the one pushing for more time, more closeness, more future, until wanting completely normal things starts to make you feel needy and "too much."

You were let onto the porch. But never all the way into the house.

And when you finally gather the courage to say "this hurts," somehow you become the bad guy, for the crime of having needs.

Here's the loneliest part, the part I couldn't explain for the longest time: you can be in a relationship, loved even, and still feel completely on the outside of someone's life.

I don't have all the answers, and I won't pretend to. I just want to share my experiences, to help myself process, and to give my fellow silo babies a place to feel seen after feeling disregarded for so long. I'll share how I work through it and what actually helps me, in hopes it helps you too. In the posts ahead, I want to dig into why we end up in silos, why they're so hard to leave, and how we start finding our way into a life where we're not kept on the porch.

Thanks for being here. You matter.